gifts

I'm sitting in Canyon Creek's sanctuary pre-service, attempting to bulk up my word count for NaNoWriMo and failing miserably. Currently, I'm connected to the internet through Eric's G1, which is awesome sauce if you ask me. The music team is warming up and fiddling around with audio levels and what have you, and I'm trying to mentally prepare to work with the munchkins during tonight's service.

I recently reconnected with Dan Rice, the art prof and all around great man at NU. We've been chatting a bit, catching up on the last few years, exchanging stories, and one of his questions for me was asking me what I was doing with the arts these days. Sadly, I haven't been doing anything theatrically, although at this point in my life, I'm ok with that even though I miss the adrenaline rush of productions, but I was excited to report that I'd reconnected with some old favorites--drawing, music, writing--and found a new outlet in photography. He responded to say that he was glad to hear it, that I shouldn't be wasting my talent.

And that made me think long and hard, friends.

When I was younger, I saw all the artistic sides of me as somewhat selfish. I drew for my own amusement. I wrote stories because I enjoyed creating my own fantasy worlds. I performed in choirs because I love singing. I was in theatre because of the fun social aspect, but also because it kept me from being in the background and completely out of everyone's sight. After all, when you're on a stage, people kinda have to notice you.

In college, what elements of my artistry remained tried to reach out to others a little more. I took a drawing class to develop the natural talent I had. I sang in two choirs, which both reached out in ministry through their performances. I was part of several important drama productions that were not meant simply for the sake of entertainment, but really sought to reach the audience in meaningful ways.

But God called me to missions, and no matter how hard I try to visualize these aspects of my life as integrated, I can't do it. I know that Christian artists have reached people through their art for centuries. I recognize the power of music and mixed media and theatre. What saddens me is that art feels like such a dichotomy. There is secular art and sacred art and never shall the two mix.

So having a smoky glimpse at the future, I feel stuck. I have these talents, and I feel so alive when I express them, but the pragmatic side of me says, "Yeah, ok, but how does drawing a picture feed and clothe the orphans in the third world? How does a soliloquy reach the widows trapped in an oppressive society? How does singing a song alleviate the pain of a homeless person?"

I hear these arguments in one side of my head, and the other side of my head screams back, "Truth and beauty! Love and freedom!" Yes, Bohemia and pragmatism wrestle in my cranium. Often. Also, interesting how God's values and bohemian values are the same. (Take that Puritans!)

Thoughts?

Don't tell me there isn't a God.

Take a look at this picture (click to the full view) and then tell me you don't believe in God.



Honestly, when I ran across this image on deviantART, I was blown away. I could only stare with my mouth open.

needing to blow off some steam

Ok, so I definitely brought this situation on myself, so I can't be too pissed about it, but here goes: Twilight has destroyed my life. Haha, well that's clearly a melodramatic, over the top statement, so let me break it down a bit more...

Yesterday, I noticed that one of my acquaintances from church had posted something about being all excited about New Moon coming out in theatres in 9 days. (UGH.) So after scrolling past about nine equally excited comments about the movie coming out, I wrote simpy, "Oh no..." Here's the list of comments that followed:

Friend: Oh no?

Me: Let's just say I'm not a Cullen fan. :) But whatever floats all y'all's boats! [See, this was my way of trying to step back out of the imminent destructive powers of this thread.]

Friend: Oh I am for SURE a Cullen fan!

Me: [And this is where I couldn't stop myself from saying more...] You do realize he's the prototype for an abusive man, right? Just sayin'.

Friend of my Friend: ????Bethany, please explain yourself!! How do you come up with that? [The snarky response that came to mind: I'm not STUPID.]

Me: @Friend of my Friend, have you actually READ the books? Ok, I only read the first one, but let's see...Edward Cullen is 1) manipulative, 2) possessive, 3) a STALKER who sneaks into Bella's room at night to watch her sleep. Let's see, if he wasn't a sparkly vampire, everyone should be picking up on these traits are key indicators to a future abuser. And when it boils down to it, he is in "love" with her because he likes her smell...as his food source. Hmm... If you're interested in reading a review I wrote about the book, follow this link: http://www.facebook.com/note.php?saved&&suggest¬e_id=147804679385

Me: Friend, I'm sorry if I just started a massive argument on this post. I do hope that you enjoy seeing a movie with friends. :) [And this is me trying to backpedal so that I don't piss off ANOTHER friend who is a Twilight fanatic.]

Sigh.

I have such a hard time letting Twilight fans go their own misguided ways. I just do not understand the appeal! Hold on. No, I DO understand the appeal. Why? Because I read trashy romance novels growing up, and it's like women have this weird reaction to rogue-like men who spike our adrenaline levels and make us crazy. Also, there's something about being addicted to drama that is just so darn tantalizing for a lot of women.

That was one of the things that made me nervous a few months ago in my relationship with E. The heightened "Oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm with this person!" infatuation feelings were starting to dwindle, and I was unnerved because I was used to that phase of relationship, mostly because I'd never really gotten PAST that phase of relationship in any prior dating experiences.

I talked with my counselor about it at the time--we were also rehashing some of the painful drama of a previous relationship--and she said that as people, we tend to look for that emotional drive because we like the high, we crave that high. I would be a hypocrite if I said she was completely off her rocker. It's so very true.

Hi, my name is Bethany, and I'm an emotional adrenaline junkie...

*ducks head in shame*

Fortunately, I didn't freak out so much at that transition in relationship that I was closed off to the next phase which is SO much better! Not that E and I don't experience those emotional highs still, but we're more in a state of contentment and being comfortable with each other and ourselves. It's a good fantastic place to be. There's something very fulfilling about being in a place where I don't feel like I have to rush around and try to be something or do something to retain E's interest. I can just BE, and that's enough. Happiness. :)

[Speaking of happiness...]


Moving on: Glee's episode last night was incredible! So much plot pushing, and I cried so much! It was epic. :) If you haven't watched Glee yet, start watching! And not having a tv is no excuse. We're in the era of internet tv, so chances are, if you are reading this blog, you can watch the show. Do it.

Also, I want cupcakes. Badly.

How my sense of the theatrical got me out of purgatory…

Today, my boss scheduled a few too many people, and when I say a few too many, I mean one with that “one” being namely, yours truly. Rather than send me home early—thank you!!!—she found random tasks that no one really wanted to do and assigned them to me.

I spent the morning organizing files from the last few months, putting them out in “the cage” on P1. Then I moved on to ironing new bags to hold the morning newspapers, which I didn’t mind doing at all. I actually enjoy ironing. There’s a certain level of ocd that one needs to possess to iron well, and I think I might have leveled up enough to be a decent ironer.

Anyhow, after lunch, my boss asked me to wipe down the baseboards in all the rooms that the housekeepers were in. Being an astute student of physics and such, I realized that it is not very efficient to have a 5’10” individual stooping to wipe down baseboards that are three inches high. So…I ended up crawling my way around most of the rooms to the housekeepers’ amusement, crawling under desks and around toilets and what have you.

At one point, I was returning something to the bell closet and ran into a male coworker to whom I complained, “My boss is trying to kill me!” His response? “Well you must have done something to piss her off.” Thanks for the support, friend. :P

Anyway, I wasted a little bit of time doing some various errands for the front desk, and then went back up to wipe down baseboards, running into my boss in several rooms as she was inspecting, which worked out well because then I could wipe down the baseboards.

Lucky. Me.

In the last room, I finished wiping them down while she was still in the room and then collapsed dramatically on the carpet, face first, arms sprawled to the sides. My boss chuckled a little and said, “Ok, you don’t have to do anymore.”

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why my earning a letter in drama in high school was SO worth it.


PS. I really love my boss, so don’t think that I’m writing this to complain about her. If she hadn’t come up with random tasks for me to do today, I would be WAY short on money!!! :(

NaNoWriMo

I've never attempted NaNoWriMo, and I'm wondering if I can actually do it. Luckily, I'm doing it just for fun! :D I'm really not sure what else would motivate someone to attempt this feat--50,000 word novel in 30 days--but anyhow, that's why I'm in. I've heard of it for a few years, but I never had the guts to commit to it. Now, well, I say why not? It's a great response. :)

In case you're also doing NaNoWriMo and we are not already "buddies" online, my username is Gears_n_Cogs. ;)

Halloweeeeeeeeeen!!!!!!!! :[

I've been spreading Halloween cheer and vampire smilies all over the place, and it feels good. Random fun tip: the hotel where I work is built in the same place that used to house a morgue. Rock. On. Also, we're pretty dead over the weekend with a whopping 14 reservations tonight. (Dead, get it? Mwahahahaha! :[ )

Let's see...tonight is HALLOWEEN!!! Wherein I shall get candy, candy, candy, CANDY! And possibly absinthe, but only if Ryan pulls through. ;[ (YAY fragments! May all you English grammarians cringe in horror and revulsion much like how I cringe and revolt against people who do not like Halloween. Shame on them.)

Right now, I wish I was home, finishing the last minute details for tonight's steampunk shindig. AHHHHHH!!!! Pictures shall be posted in the next few days, I'm sure, and then everyone can turn green with envy at how rockin' we looked--for we shall look rocking. Big shout out to the folks who came over last night and turned our apartment into a Victorian sitting room. Once I post pictures, it shall blow your mind. It is, as they say, the dog's bollocks.

Bonus for being at work at the moment, the front desk has a basket full of candy that I keep raiding. And I was able to sort through the piles of lost and found and get rid of stuff. Now we can fit MORE lost and found in the storage closet. Yay!!! :[

In other news, several of my coworkers startled me today--and I startled one of mine. We all blame it on Halloween. I blame it on the morgue "fantasmas." ;[ (Ok, that vampire just looks pissed off...)

My stomach is full of all kinds of butterflies right now. I probably shouldn't host events if they just freak me out. I keep reminding myself not to be such a control freak and just let go of the event. It'll all work out AND be fun, and I will not be judged if it fails. (I hope. :] <--unhappy vampire smiley, mwahahaha)

Anyhoozles. The turn down attendant ought to pop in at any moment--most likely startling me--so I think I'll go ahead and get ready to jump on out of here so I can go home and get ready.


PS. I think Halloween is the best commercialized holiday in America. I like Christmas and Easter, and Thanksgiving is ok, but I like the first two for religious reasons, not for all the extra crap that stores have tacked on. I like Thanksgiving, well, because I like stuffing/dressing and pecan pie. Turkey's not bad either.

PPS. Halloweeeeeeeeen!!!!!!!!!!! :[

So I was reading fmylife.com...

...and stumbled on this one:

Today, I finally told my fiance about the crippling sexual abuse I suffered through as a child. He immediately broke off the wedding. His reason? He can't marry someone who isn't 'pure'. FML

which of course, was horrifying. Then I looked at the bottom of this entry where people could vote on whether or not the person who submitted it either a) "I agree, your life sucks" or b) you totally deserved it. A whopping 52,833 people had agreed with the first option.

What I want to know is who the 2,069 assholes are who chose the second option. >:(