I came to love you late, O Beauty so ancient and new; I came to love you late. You were within me and I was outside where I rushed about wildly searching for you like some monster loose in your beautiful world. You were with me, but I was not with you. You called me, you shouted to me. You broke past my deafness. You bathed me in your light, you wrapped me in your splendor, you sent my blindness reeling. You gave out such a delightful fragrance, and I drew it in and came breathing hard after you. I tasted, and it made me hunger and thirst; you touched me, and I burned to know your peace.

-St. Augustine

ruminations on a month

It's been nearly that long since I blogged here, and maybe it's because so much has happened that I've just felt overwhelmed in trying to capture it all. Or perhaps the blogging muse skipped away, a taunting laugh rippling over her shoulder through her windblown hair as she puts more and more distance between us.

Whatever the reason, I've decided that the silence has been going on long enough! So here I am. Writing.

*sigh*

I don't think there's any way that I can get it all out, even by jotting short notes. I mean, how does one sum up the anxiety and stress of wedding planning when there are no longer any venues available for this summer? Or how do I write about my hair fiasco that entailed three different stylists at two different salons on three consecutive days? How do I explain how uneasy I feel because I suspect one of my coworkers/employees is lying to me? How can I describe how wonderfully warm and delicious inside E makes me feel whenever he is near?

*sips tea*

How do I even begin to elaborate on the tears and the heartache, the joy and the dancing, the frustration and the excitement? Not sure if I can, so I'm going to sign off and go watch some more Dollhouse. (Joss Whedon, once again, you've put out an incredible, strong female character. My hat is off to you, sir!)

the one ring

Oh and because I'm such a dork, here's the ring!!! I can't take a good picture of it for the life of me, so I tried to doctor this one up. The ring is very beautiful in person. :)

Geez, mon, she's got legs!

Apparently, though, she doesn't have much time for blogging lately, and THAT is the truth. My parents flew in December 1, and since then, life has been all kinds of crazy.

Por ejemplo: one of my folks' big reasons for coming home this Christmas was to meet and get to know E. as he and I have gotten pretty serious. However, first day they were here, they were asking me wedding details. And we weren't even engaged!!! Like, they wanted to know a date, and both E and I were very, um...confused. Who knows when they're going to get married before they even decide to put a ring on a finger and call it a done deal?

Anyway, that segues into the next bit of news, which is this: I'm engaged!!! Yes, the girl who still thinks it would be fun to live a monastic life on a lonely mountaintop is going to marry the absolutely goofiest and simultaneously greatest man that she knows. True story.

"How did he ask?!" you may gush.

I'll tell you! We were both hungry after church Sunday night, so we decided to meet in downtown and then pick a restaurant from there. While I was walking to our designated rendez-vous, E mentioned that the ships out on the water had all these lights on and asked me if I wanted to go check them out. I said sure, so we walked out on the docks.

Sadly, the lighted ships were gone by the time we did this, but that was no big deal because then E said, "Remember when I told you I liked you for the first time?" And I said, "Yes, we were on this dock, and there was that boat of crazy drunk people yelling, 'Just kiss her already!' across the way." And then he said, "Do you mind if I make this the place where I ask you to marry me too?" And then he got down on one knee and opened up a ring box and I squealed and didn't know how to respond--even though I had a gut feeling that he was about to ask me anyhow--and then we hugged and my arms were around his neck, and my feet were dangling--because he's that much taller than me--and we kissed and I laughed and squealed some more and put the ring on, and then I said, "I'm still hungry. Where do you want to eat?"

Always the romantic, I know.

The hotel where I work was really close to the site of proposing, so we went to the restaurant there and my coworkers were the first people to find out we were engaged. (Sorry, Mom and Dad!) Dinner was soooo good, and it was such a great place to celebrate because the restaurant was really quiet and the servers were attentive and nice--I guess it helps that I know them. ;) They also brought us blush champagne and the patrons at the next table over congratulated us as well!



Anyway, so that hubbub is slowly quieting down, and I hope that I haven't offended anyone by not telling him or her personally this whole story. To be honest, I've been really overwhelmed and tired by a lot of the stuff going on these days--work included--so it's been pretty hectic, and tonight is the first night in a week that I've been able to settle down and have some time to myself. The introvert within me was screaming in agony.

Anything else...? OH! My boss had her baby!! :D And I got to visit her and hold him. SO cute and tiny and beautiful and very healthy. :D ALMOST makes me want one of my own, but that can definitely wait a few years. :)

Isaiah 53

1 Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?

2 He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.

3 He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

4 Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.

5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

7 He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.

8 By oppression [a] and judgment he was taken away.
And who can speak of his descendants?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was stricken. [b]

9 He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.

10 Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the LORD makes [c] his life a guilt offering,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.

11 After the suffering of his soul,
he will see the light of life [d] and be satisfied [e] ;
by his knowledge [f] my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.

12 Therefore I will give him a portion among the great, [g]
and he will divide the spoils with the strong, [h]
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.

pride and feelings

Saturday, at my apartment, I hosted an event I cunningly called "Kicking It Christmas Style" or something akin to that phrase. Well, the point of this event was to reconnect with the girls from my young adults' group at church. All of last year, I was in this small group with these girls, but then got disconnected a bit over the summer--when small groups stopped meeting--and then this fall when I joined a different small group.

See where this is going? No? Read on.

So I invited about 8 girls--maybe a few more--to come to my apartment to bake and decorate sugar cookies with me and my roommates. Did any of them come? Any? No, not one. ONE girl responded personally with a, "I really want to come, but I can't make it because of a wedding!" And she even apologized again today for not being able to make it. She's currently my hero.

Now, even though the event was fine--my mom, my sister, and my roommates were there for it--it still hurt that these girls couldn't have cared less about spending time with me. I mean, yeah, none of us were besties, but this definitely doesn't make me want to try for anything more than polite acquaintances at church, you know? Why bother putting myself out there just to get shut down?

UGH.

I want to be closer to the girls my age at church, but this makes me want to go the opposite direction. :(